*A 911 Event For The Cat Community.
*Many Deaths Constitute "Signature" of Al Qaeda In Rodentia.
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In a shocking development, suicide-gnawing mice launched a deadly attack on the
Durham Humane Society in Oshawa, a suburb of Toronto, killing over a hundred cats, two dogs and a puppy, and 60 hamsters, guinea pigs and other small pets.
Animal shelter workers who arrived on scene were held back by flames until better equipped police and firemen arrived.
A 911 Event For The Cat Community.
Initial work by (human) fire investigators failed to reveal a purposeful human cause for the lethal fire, but evidence of rodentine terrorism soon emerged. The suicide attackers chewed on electrical wires in the shelter's ceiling until they could cause an electrical short, sparking a lethal fire.
“It’s like losing your own family pet, times 200,” said Kay Anderson, a kennel worker who spent most of her time preparing adult cats for adoption. “It’s shock, it’s devastation, it’s complete heartache. It’s a second home to all of us. We all have animals of our own that came from there.”
A 911 Event For The Cat Community.
Initial work by (human) fire investigators failed to reveal a purposeful human cause for the lethal fire, but evidence of rodentine terrorism soon emerged. The suicide attackers chewed on electrical wires in the shelter's ceiling until they could cause an electrical short, sparking a lethal fire.
The US State Department quickly released a statement on the horrific events. "This attack showed clear indications of malice. Malice, and large numbers of casualties are the signature signs of Al Qaeda involvement in a disaster. Clearly in continuing our war on a tactic, we must now launch an invasion of territories controlled by terriers and ferrets."
Questions about the sensibility of attacking animals well known to dislike rodents were quickly dismissed. "Both rodent-terrorists and small carnivores have four limbs, hair, and nurse their young", said a spokesman. "Besides, biting is bad. When we see one animal biting another, we should clearly drop a 500 lb. bomb on the biter. This will clearly stop the negative behavior."
Spreading extremism
While this attack represents a dramatic spread of rodent militancy to Canada, rodentine extremism has been well documented in the past few years. Farfour the mouse, for example, was, before his untimely (or timely, depending on your perspective) demise, a propagandist for Hamas, and as such, aroused much alarm throughout the internet.
While the late Farfour was a rather feckless and dimwitted individual, experts warn that disillusioned mice inspired by his example and displaced by recent historical events could pose a greater threat. Many rodents with military, espionage and security training have been laid off, and might be pushed into the underworld by the recent economic crisis, selling their skills to the highest bidder.
Joseph Mkhedrioni Mouse: Removed from security services following triumph of Rose Revolution.
The political chaos and decline in living standards following the death of Mickey Mouse the Great and the collapse of the Cheddar Wall have also brought new weapons and expertise to the black market. A recent suicide bombing, seen in the video below, demonstrates the dimensions of the new threat.
Chemical analysis of the explosives used in the bombing indicates a military-grade explosive taken from Disney stores, and the terrorist rodent is clearly a more determined and decisive threat than the notorious Farfour.
Further evidence of the Jihadist threat can be seen in the spread of propaganda that attempts to entice young male mice into terrorist organizations with the implied promise that this will impress female mice.
pic and info: Black Rainbow
This image for example, seen on a T-shirt sold on the Internet, is clearly designed to incite support for terrorism in young male mice.
Rodentofascism?
Some academics say that this is not a new threat however. "Rodentofascism is just a new manifestation of an old ideology" said Christopher Kittens, sipping whiskey and staggering slightly. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. We can't afford to adopt a Neville Chamberlain strategy the second time around. For too long we have accepted the idea that government intrusion into private life is simply bad. Keep that attitude, and the next thing you know, a mouse in a swimsuit smoking a cigar will be buzzing round your head" he said, referring to the axe wielding rodent who accompanied the Nazi regime's chief fighter pilot.
Adolph Galland and rodent companion (on side of plane)
The evil rodent
Other analysts disputed this characterization however. "It is true that Mickey Galland and Farfour are extremists" said Bianca Gabor of the Rescue Aid Society, "but they are seperated by both decades and geography, and neither is representative of the larger mouse community. People should be alarmed at any axe wielding maniac, not just one with round black ears on the top of his head. Mickey Mouse is just one prominent example of a rodent who fought FOR the Allies.
Economists of the Chicago School also responded to critics who point out that Henry Ford and some of the other men who were important to the Allied cause in WW2 also showed an excessive symapthy towards fascists before the war, and later in the Cold War that followed. "The Western world celebrates ambition and entrepreneurship" said a spokesman. "Only anti-globalisation extremists and plot-theorists are going to be alarmed just because he wants to own the globe. Naturally Mickey is going to aim high."
Economists of the Chicago School also responded to critics who point out that Henry Ford and some of the other men who were important to the Allied cause in WW2 also showed an excessive symapthy towards fascists before the war, and later in the Cold War that followed. "The Western world celebrates ambition and entrepreneurship" said a spokesman. "Only anti-globalisation extremists and plot-theorists are going to be alarmed just because he wants to own the globe. Naturally Mickey is going to aim high."
More info:
Donate to help humane society of Durham (yes the rodent arson was real)
Fighting Rodentofascism?
Fighting Rodentofascism?
Mickey Mouse: A Real Terrorist! Mike Cane's Blog
THE MOUSE THAT ATE THE PUBLIC DOMAIN:
Disney, The Copyright Term Extension Act, And eldred V. Ashcroft
Copyright and the Mouse: How Disney’s Mickey Mouse Changed the World
Mickey Mouse threatens to block all ideas in future
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